The Record Newspapers - Hometown News For Orange County, Texas

God made commercials so we had a reason to hit “mute.”

In the old days, with no remotes, you had to get up from the couch or shoot out the tube, Elvis-style.

“The Kang” was a trend-setter, but that one never really caught on.

Of course, commercials were creative back then, except for the Pocket Fisherman and about 50 others.

“And it really really works.”

Nice to know some things never change, and with that present my annual 2009 nominations for bad commercials.

•

The Snuggie: This is basically a blanket with sleeves. I’ve certainly

always wanted to look like a Trappist monk while talking on a portable

phone. But it’s great for any occasion: outside with marshmallow

sticks, just plain reading on the couch or while attending a local

little league game. I love the parents in the bleachers. They ALL have

Snuggies on, not just the two people high-fiving each other. As if to

say, “Our neighbors have Snuggies. We must get one!”

• Woolite Rug

Stick: A woman freaks out when her friend drops by, and makes her stay

on the porch while it rains. She has a snow-white rug right by the

front door and doesn’t want it to get dirty. But Woolite helps her out

with a broom that spews cleaning fluid, even on the stairs, and later

the friend is invited back into the kingdom. A vacuum cleaner is also

involved. Seems to me too much time is needed, when you could be at the

kids’ game with your Snuggie.

• Heat Surge: “Ever since the Amish

found out the heaters have been given away, they’ve imposed a strict

two-per-household limit.” Is there an Amish board of directors who sit

around a big table? And why don’t the Amish people in the commercial

scream, “Get thee away with your modern recording device!”

• Sham

Wow: I think these are just Snuggies cut into rectangular pieces. The

annoying Vince tells us, “Comes from Germany. You know the Germans

always make good stuff, right?” I take it death camps and Volkswagens

aren’t on the list. I had a ‘71 Beetle for many years that never ran.

You could also say it never ran for many years.

The Germans don’t make a bad beer though.

Which one needs, to get through these commercials, even with the mute button.