Gone are the days of real newspapers.

These are the days of the fake newspapers.

However, and believing that newspapers still serve the public interest, I present my tips for a new festival.

I would not presume, of course, to make light of the Bridge City event planned for Sept. 13, 2009.

The day last year Hurricane Ike “slammed” into the Texas coast, to use an AP term.

That will be an affair residents need to be somewhat humble at.
I would though, like to make fun of FEMA.

I know. Pretty easy target right? I know many people were happy to get their trailers. But it took so long.

B ut perhaps it’s time for Bridge City to laugh again.

The Bridge City Lions want to put on a free concert, with crawfish and dirty rice and two of Cajun music’s great stars.

That one’s going to be a good party.

And it’s wonderful they want to do that for their city.

May I offer a few suggestions?

* * *
* Dunk the FEMA official: An old variation on the school principal who’s not very popular. This game would easily rack-up $200 in 15 minutes. Hey, better than killing them, right?

* Kill the FEMA official: To apply, you fill out FEMA paperwork, but by the time you finish – the event has been over for days.

* Drywall Contest: Every contractor in Bridge City says he’s the best. So let’s put ‘em to the test! Put a wood-frame house out there and see who wins! (Must be licensed in the state of Texas).

* * *
E.J. Gaspard passed away just recently, a very gifted writer.

He lived in Little Chenier, and as a “present” from Rita got his own, wonderful FEMA trailer.

He was just getting it all sorted out when Ike hit.

Well, after Ike got Bridge City, I sent an e-mail to all my Louisiana friends asking them to give to the Orange Red Cross, which also serves Bridge City.

I know times are hard, and if you can’t give that’s fine.

But I figured if a poor reporter like me could do it, a lot of folks could.

E.J. was the only one who wrote back.

It was a simple message.

“Done and done.”

Thank God for you E.J.

You understood.

You understood.