A column idea is one of those things you never get when you need one.

But you always seem to have a steady supply when you’re not looking.

I’ve heard that repeated quite often in the news business (mostly by me), but thanks to some new guidelines by a respected journalists’ organization, I shall never have to worry again.

The furor began a few months ago, when famed cowboy humorist Stump Langley, writing in the Omaha Tribune-Times-Express-Democrat-Republican-Independent, published a piece about his days as a cattle rustler in the early 1930s.

“It probably weren’t no good to hide all them critters in the public library,” Langley mused. “But we was young, and didn’t have that smart book-learnin’ like at them fancy East Coast schools.”

The National Book Committee praised the work, nominating it for the most apostrophes used – ever, ever, ever.

However, the American Association of Newspaper Columnists took issue with it, saying the Huck Finn rip-off w...

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The devil could not be reached for comment, but one of his evil minions said, “This is depressing. We’re just not really in the snow and ice business here. I just feel sad for whoever has to tell the Lava Men.”

The minion, who asked to be referred to as “Chad” because “you couldn’t pronounce my netherworld name,” said he was tricked into doing Lucifer’s bidding after originally being promised a job with the Peace Corps.

He reluctantly wished the New Orleans Saints, “all the best, fellas.”
I passed a sign on my way out of Lake Charles Monday – a take on the “Got Milk?” ads. Except this one read “Got Colt Gumbo?”

After the Saints won Sunday my normally quiet neighborhood in L.C. – on the other side of the state from New Orleans – was filled with cheers, car honks and firecrackers (or gun shots?) going off.

We didn’t have to go to Bourbon Street. It came to us, and I imagine there will be many who continue to party right up through Mardi Gras and beyond. ...

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I have it on good authority that icicles are forming in Hades.

There’s an old joke where God calls the devil and says, “I’ve got to do some renovations up here. Can I send you 200 Cajuns for about a month?” 

The devil says, “Sure, send them down.” 

Once they get there, the devil decides to have some fun. 

He turns up the heat, goes to the head Cajun and asks, “What do you folks think about all this heat?” 

The man says, “Whoa cher, we’re used to this. Perfect for fishing and crawfish boils.” 

So the devil decides to make it really, really cold. 

“What do you guys think about the freezing weather?” he asks the head Cajun.

The reply is, “It’s time to celebrate cher! The Saints done won the Super Bowl!”

That tale probably came about in the ‘80s, the days of “The Ain’ts” and the phrase “Who dat say they gonna beat them Saints?” of which the response by some was “Everybody! Everybody!”

Growing up in...

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I’ve never watched an episode of “Now on PBS” but saw one this past weekend that caught my attention. 

The guests were Robert McChesney and John Nichols, authors of “The Death and Life of American Journalism,” which proposes saving journalism through government subsidies, thus preserving the democracy once envisioned by the founding fathers.

I heard on NPR last year that an estimated 150 presses stopped in 2009. That would include Hearst’s Seattle Post-Intelligencer; as well as daily newspapers in Denver, Cincinnati and Albuquerque.

The Boston Globe is said to be in trouble.

After the PBS show I wanted to see what other journalists were saying about the book, and found a couple of reviews.

Steve Weinberg, a Missouri author writing in the Minneapolis Star Tribune, commented, “It will be interesting to observe whether the McChesney-Nichols recommendations become part of a serious discussion among policy makers, or fade into oblivion.”

And as b...

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At any rate, it was Highway 90.

As a newspaper writer, you’re supposed to say “U.S. 90.”

But this was 1985.

Guys wore hair short. Girls wore it big.

It was almost like the ‘50s, if not a year of greed and banal pop culture.

There are many ways to describe Highway 90.

Most would say “seedy bars” but I prefer Giles Sonnier’s “Mean old low-down road.”

Both would be true.

At any rate, it was Highway 90.

Hector walked in the door all excited one day.

He was at Scarlett O’s and some lawyer gave him a tip.

Members of the police jury were picking up hookers at a bar on 90.

“Dush, Hankins,” he said. “This could be a big story.”

He was all excited in those days.

So we went to the place one night with Glen Meek, our roommate.

Because Meek was a television reporter, he was sure he’d be recognized.

He wore an old Navy peacoat Hector gave him and found a sailor’s hat somewhere.

If anyone asked, h...

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Having fallen asleep in many city council meetings, I can probably tell you it’s the right thing to do.

Here’s a dream I had a few evenings ago. It’s written in novel form because all writers dream that way; we just can’t type it up at the same time.

Mayor Steve Sanders’ eyes shifted from the left, then the right.
What was on the agenda, he wondered? He quickly scanned his packet, which had been expertly prepared by his secretary.

Same old story. The Wendy’s on Oceanside wanted to be annexed, but the Dairy Queen across the street didn’t like it. 

Also on the agenda, a new problem for the tugboat captains; and in other business there was a big pile of trash over on Fifth Street.

He turned to Councilman Billings and said, “You know, if I didn’t get to bang a gavel every now and then, I wouldn’t even be in politics.

“This meeting is called to order,” he said. 

“I’d like to ask our new city manager, Phil Phillips, to say the praye...

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A request in my Dec. 9 column for Christmas favorites brought in four lists, mainly from other columnists, two of whom I’m proud to say do not actually write for this newspaper.

As I’ve said many times the only strangers who read these things are press club judges, and they HAVE to read them for the yearly contests. 

So if you are reading this, thank you, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

The lone wolf in the crowd of being someone I don’t actually know was sent in by Tim Hickey.

“One of my old favorites was Roy Orbison’s (written by Willie Nelson) ‘Pretty Paper,’” Hickey said. “Some of my favorite Christmas memories are from the old Mazzola home at
Sixth and Elm (I think). Bennie and Gilbert always had an old LP on the Magnavox in the family room. If it wasn’t Roy Orbison, it was Gene Pitney or Elvis!”

Sid Thorne reminded me of a song I forgot about; it was Bing Crosby/David Bowie’s version of “The Little Drummer Boy.” I remember watching ...

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During this time of year my dad would see me and my friends playing in the yard.

He’d come out and say, “Hey kids, I’ll give you 50 cents each to rake the leaves.”

The offer was very tempting.

With 50 cents, you could get an Icee at the Pak-A-Sack, have 10 cents left for a Hershey bar with 15 cents to spare.

Why we wanted to get an Icee in December, I’m still not sure.

Just goes to being a kid, I guess.

So we’d rake them up and jump in the piles of leaves.

As a homeowner myself now, I brush them from my garage.

It’s cold; I’d rather be doing something else.

And I wonder if the fun of raking leaves was a Christmas tradition, or my dad just wanted to get out of yard work to watch the Dallas Cowboys?

It’s probably a bit a both. Can’t say I blame him, really.

And looking back I’m glad it happened. It was fun.

I wouldn’t have changed a thing.

Or my dad.

Have you turned on the music yet?

They used to have it on albums and play it on radio.

I think there’s still radio around, with music played on CDs, MP3s and something that will come out next year we haven’t heard of yet.

Please send me some of your favorites at robert1961@live.com, and I’ll publish them on Dec. 23.

In the meantime, you have to put up with mine.

* “Let it Snow” by Dean Martin. Did Dean have a drink when he did this? I certainly hope so.

* “Ode to Joy” by Ludwig Von Beethoven. I think he’s dead now, but the music carries on.

* “O Holy Night” by Johnny Mathis. Johnny’s voice sets the spirit of the season.

* “Jingle Bell Rock” by Bill Hailey and his Comets. Hailey was one of the first rock artists to take advantage of holiday music, as
did Elvis with “Blue Christmas.”

* “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” by Brenda Lee. Brenda’s youth and charm made her a big hit in the late ‘50s, and I still enjoy her many so...

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I’ve written many times about other papers I’ve worked at, the people there and what I remember about them.

Someone asked me the other day why I don’t write about this one, the one you’re reading.

The best answer would be the pitfalls.

It’s easier to write about the past than present; and it would be almost impossible for me to do a column like that without seeming like I was trying to score points with the boss.

So the best column I’ll write on this paper is in about 10 years or so.
Because it will be the past. 

I will comment briefly that here – in the present – I’m allowed to do the things I want to do, which is mainly write. I like that.

Now, let’s talk about lunch. 

You want some lunch? I sure do.

There’s all kinds out there.

Get whatever you want with just a credit card.

Cash even works, sometimes. Remember cash?

I’ve worked with people who couldn’t get their work in on time.
But by god at 1...

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