Stories we heard as kids
Having given up all ambition in life, I might possibly be the laziest man on Earth.
I certainly hope so. The three days a week I actually do work don’t seem real.
I’m still not quite sure if they happen, but the odometer on my car says different.
So tonight I find myself in a familiar place with some time off, as Gerry Marsden sings to not let the sun catch me crying.
And after 15 minutes, I’ve dispelled three stories I heard as a child.
* * *
I remember this little girl who made herself at home in a house with three bears.
They were out at the time, gone for a stroll.
Despite teaching kids to trespass, the tale goes on.
She tries three bowls of porridge. One is too hot, another is too cold and the last is “just right.”
I never could figure out why there were three separate temperatures.
Wasn’t it cooked at the same time?
Do these bears have a microwave we don’t know about?
Anyway, the girl winds up learning her lesson.
* * *
Another I recall had a wolf who blew some houses down.
Pigs were in there. The first two homes went right up, but the third was made out of bricks.
The “financially savvy” pigs made it to the brick structure.
The lesson is: Don’t get cheap and if you get into trouble, go to your neighbor’s house.
But why wouldn’t the wolf just wait for the pigs to leave for the store?
And pounce on them? They have to come out sometime, right?
* * *
A bird in the desert, looking for water, finds a pitcher with some at the bottom but can’t get to it.
He flicks rocks in and makes the water rise.
The lesson is patience, but what I get out of it is learning a time-honored profession.
Which is not bad if you don’t mind minimum wage.
It teaches the bird to be a bartender.
* * *
I don’t think any of these tales are by Hans Christian Andersen.
I mention it only because Danny Kaye played him in the movies, but when I was young I thought it was Andy Williams.
They had a lot in common, except Andy liked girls and Danny never sang with the Osmonds.
I think Danny came out ahead on that one.
[E-mail Robert Hankins at email@example.com]