Joe Kazmar – For The Record


It’s hard to believe I’ve been writing this Christmas column for 50 years and have loved every minute of it.

I hope you readers have enjoyed reading these sometimes clever and sometime humorous gifts to sports celebrities and local folks half as much as I have enjoyed creating them over the years. Usually if your name shows up with some sort of facetious present, it’s only because I like you. Some sports celebrities are not nearly that lucky.

This year we will skip the incident where Santa drops this list and I find it and just commence with our 50th Anniversary Kaz’s Christmas Column with these gifts:

WEST ORANGE-STARK QUARTERBACK JACK DALLAS—The best birthday present ever last Friday when he led the Mustangs’ offense to their 22-3 victory over Celina to win the third state championship in school history and deny Celina from winning their ninth title, which would have been a UIL record. He also earned Most Valuable Offensive Player Award after the game.

WEST ORANGE-COVE ISD SCHOOL BOARD MEMBER BRYAN “CHOP’ MUHAMMAD—A cigar shaped like a horseshoe so he can continue to blow smoke out both sides of his mouth.

WEST ORANGE-STARK MUSTANGS HEAD COACH CORNEL THOMPSON—A document of completion after hearing him say over and over “Let’s Finish It.” The Mustangs finished the season 15-1 and are now on top of the world because he is such a great high school head football coach.

SUNSET GROVE GOLFER RICHARD DUFFEE—Optimism that in the future he can trade in that cane he now uses to help him get around for a golf club so he can get back to playing with his noonday buddies.

LOCAL BRIDGE TOURNAMENT DIRECTOR ED RASMUSSEN—A huge gift-wrapped package with blocks spelling out his favorite word—PENULTIMATE—which pertains to the next-to-last event in a program or bridge tournament.

PHILADELPHIA EAGLES RUNNING BACK DEMARCO MURRAY—A “Wayback Machine” that would put him back with the Dallas Cowboys where he was happy and productive instead of at Philadelphia where his greed for more money turned him into a less-than-mediocre running back and an unpopular flop with those fickle Philly fans.

FORMER PHILADELPHIA EAGLES STAR RUNNING BACK LESEAN McCOY—A catcher’s mitt to wear in case he’s is forced to shake hands with Eagles’ head coach Chip Kelly, who unceremoniously dumped him in favor of DeMarco Murray.

SUNSET GROVE GOLFER JIM RODDA—The “Adolph Menjou Award” for having one of the flashiest golf wardrobes of any member.

CLEVELAND BROWNS QUARTERBACK JOHNNY MANZIEL—A set of Bunny Ears to represent his status as the NFL’s biggest playboy and also because he usually acts like a dumb bunny, especially out of uniform.

HOUSTON TEXANS—An enlarged map of Indiana that once again shows the city of Indianapolis on it after the Texans won there Sunday (16-10) on their 14th try in franchise history. It may have been the most important visit there after taking over sole possession of first place in the AFC South Division with just two games (at Tennessee and at home against Jacksonville) remaining in the regular season.

SUNSET GROVE GOLFER BOB HOOD—The “Jack of All Trades Award” for his willingness to join me to either play golf, play bridge or go fishing. Actually I’m joining him in these fun activities.

HOUSTON TEXANS HEAD COACH BILL O’BRIEN—A pet chimpanzee to help him draft or trade for a “real” NFL quarterback. He believes that if a guy backs up Tom Brady at New England he must be great. But give the guy some credit—he’s on his fourth-string quarterback, in first place in the AFC South Division and still very much in the NFL playoff picture.

TIME WARNER CABLE—A huge chicken and a case of Ex-Lax to denote what the West Orange-Stark football fans think of them televising a Louisiana high school playoff game at the last minute after a lengthy pre-game show featuring the Mustangs-Celina state championship game Friday. But Time Warner did everyone a huge favor by showing the game on Channel 373—for a fee of $8.99. I hope they choke on their profit from the game.

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS—The “All-Around Award” for being only one of two NFL teams (St. Louis Rams) ranked in the top 5 in both offense and defense. However, the award hasn’t helped the Rams much, whereas the Seahawks have already clinched an NFC playoff spot after outscoring their last three opponents 103-26.

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS QUARTERBACK RUSSELL WILSON—A trophy for setting an NFL record by completing three or more touchdown passes with zero interceptions in the last five games.

SUNSET GROVE GOLFER KEN RUANE—A king-sized get well card from all his golfing and marathon running buddies who wish him a speedy recovery from his surgery at M.D. Anderson last Friday.

DENVER BRONCOS QUARTERBACK BROCK OSWEILER—A gold embroidered photo of Indianapolis quarterback Andrew Luck who successfully did the same thing Osweiler will someday do—replace Peyton Manning as his team’s starting quarterback.

FORMER MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL STAR PETE ROSE—A book suggesting that he would have had a much better chance to get back into MLB’s good graces and even the Hall of Fame if he had taken steroids, used drugs or whipped up on a female instead of gambling on baseball games, which got him banned for life from the game.

CINCINNATI BENGALS BACK-UP QUARTERBACK A.J. McCARRON—The distinction of being the first quarterback from the University of Alabama to win in the NFL since Jeff Rutledge in 1987. McCarron, who led the Crimson Tide to back-to-back national championships in 2013-2014, is subbing for the injured Andy Dalton.

SUNSET GROVE GOLFER CRAIG COUVILLION—He’s called several clever names by his golfing buddies, but the one he likes to hear best is “Pop” by his grandkids after he finishes playing a round.

FORMER MIAMI DOLPHINS HEAD COACH DON SHULA—An Apple Tree to signify that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree as he hopes Carolina goes 19-0 this season because his son Mike is the Panthers’ offensive coordinator.

CAROLINA PANTHERS—A huge No. 4 to signify they are only the fourth team in NFL history to go 14-0. Victory No. 14 came on a last-second field goal to end a scoring marathon (38-35).

FORMER HOUSTON TEXANS QUARTERBACK RYAN MALLETT—A Personal Valet to make sure he wakes up on time with his new team–the Baltimore Ravens—because of his history of tardiness.

McNEESE STATE EX-COACH MATT VIATOR—A Stepping Stone which signifies what being a successful Cowboy coach that went undefeated this season did for him after he accepted the head coaching position at Louisiana-Monroe for twice the salary.

AND A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS TO Mike Lemons, Archie McClelland, Mark Dunn, Jeff Thomas, Johnny Montagne, Jerry Triggs, Ronnie Hutchison,  Julie Mouton, Pierre De la Fosse, Chris Trout, Gwen Whitehead, Troy Manuel, Missy Pillsbury, John Prather, Brad Prejean, John Morris, Larry Moerbe, Judy Arnaud, Andy Conner, Tom Toal, Julie Mouton, Steve Betz, Jerry Windham, Bill Van, Rodney Barrett, Gail Beckett, Larry Ancelot, Bobby Nelson, Carl Sanders, Matt Purgahn,  David Thompson, James Denmon, Mike King, Durwood Bennett, Bob Cockerill, Chris Allen, Matt Morgan, Sid Caillavet, Doug Patterson, Mike Shuff, Jim King, Tiki Russell, Alex Morrow, John Cochran, David Benoit, Bart Corder, Roy Peterson, Jimmy Givens, Jimmy Sichko, Ken Ruane, Ron Hopperton, Joe Murphy, Walter Cox, David Ess, John Dubose, Lacy Hale, Mark Williams, Gary Cook, Bobby Eddings, Tommy Gunn, Mac Guillory, Buddy Hahn, Glynn Aldredge, Jim  Rodda, Kerry Lamb, Brian Hudson, Stephen Patterson, Mike Poutra.
     Joe Ely, Trez Sichko, Ella Mulhollan, Allen Beauchamp, John Patterson, Wanda Peveto, Larry Duhon, David Sand, Milton Newton, Mike Parish, Robert Baca, Jim Brown, Ruth Hancock, Mark Hebert, John Toomey, Beth Baas, Stacy Hoffpauir, Tina Lawrence, Richard Duffee, Tammy Torrez, Derry Dunn, Mike Shahan, Wes Duvall, James Welch, James Vidrine, Bob Hollier, Ken St. John, David Bridges, Jim Matthews, Tommy Reed, Alan McDade, Sandra Hall, Wayne Brint, Raquel Goodboddie, Jajemi Plut, V.L. Grimes, David Loden, Brian Waguespack, Manuel Godina, Joseph Droddy, Wayne Baker, James Thurman, Mac Patterson, Bill Belcher, Don Olivier, Jerry Ling, Brenda Buxton, Regina Edwards, Frank Hatton, Willow Simpson, Kathy Gunn, J. D. Quarles, Wade Gillet, Jerry McDonald, Jerry Pennington, Chrisleigh Dal Sasso, Cathy Day.
     Lindsey Nelson, Jim Sharon Bearden, Dan Perrine, Billy Burrow, Dan Cochran, Ken Bridgers, George Crawford, Michelle Broussard, Jim Simon, Jack McClelland, Scottie Wilson, Willie Bednar, James Lopez, Dennis Powell, Bobby Duhon, Carlos Vacek, Roy Locks, George Toal, Mike Lucia, Jim Dunaway, Jack Tindel, Ray Pousson, Jim Ehlert, Bryce Conner,  Mike Mazzola, Faye Parish, Gilbert Myers, Kathy Polansky, Yankee Mortimer, Helen Edwards, Pat Murphy, Leo Simpson, Mike McKown, Clint Hathaway, Jerry Decker, Mike Holbrook, Lee Roy Boehme, Jr., Jerry Ann Trouard,  Jimmy Boyd, Donnie Mires, Connie Woods, Bobby Swan, Larry Hammett, Tom Day, Bryan McKinley, Donny Ratcliff, Don Lormand, Robert Dunn, Violet Branch, Robert Roesler, Wayne Iles, Raymond Guilbeaux, Johnny Dugas.
     Travis Clark, Martha Rogers, Robert Burris, Jerry Caillier, Carolyn Lemons, John Scofield, Carol Perry, Kenny Lalonde, Linn Cardner, Mike Catt, Pete Runnels, Russell Bottley, James Luna, Dick Powell, Billie Carter, David Teague, Carl Floyd, Skip Moore, Pete Sterling, Brian Murphy, Montie Moran, Doug Rogers, Rick Keszeg, Cary Bresie, Scott Garvie, Pat Key, Rodney Townsend, Jerry Howeth, Phillip Brown, Homer Stuntz, Andrew Hayes, Linda Moore, Glen Oliver, Bob Byerly, Jerry Hughes, Bart Williams, Loretta Edwards, Brooks Hill, Janet Lemoine, Benis Lee, Jim Keith, Lynn Smith, Ebb Moore, Steve Pomeroy, Jerrod Bland, Barry Thibodeaux, Frank Finchum, Charles Broussard, Sharon Bearden, Bob Hoepner, Ferral Ashby, Joe Doucet, J.B. Arrington, Bill Ellison, Dana Cruse, Dennis Lee, Jerry Ann Trouard.
     Dennis Bishop, Gus Beuershausen, Leon Delome,  Grant Gipson, Jeep Colburn, Jerry Nichols, Kevin Hebert, Brian Mingle, Loretta Hughes, Dwayne Mims, Oscar Smith, Joe Parkhurst, Pete Gresham, Charlie Miller, Joe Alford, Chris Gunn, Ed Dyer, Bill Jackson, Bill Bromley, Ace Amodeo, Mike Bernard, Ken Wernig, Roland Gregorie, Todd McLane, John Tate, Brad Gilmore, Hal LaPray, Bob Campbell, Roderick Robertson, Buddy Hahn, Mark Foreman, Manuel Solis, Earl Parker, Neil Watts, John Martinez, Terry Childers, Joan Quartermont, Jeff Mathews, Tiffany Rochelle, Dempsie Jaynes, Kyle Walker, Randy Brown, Clay Dugas, Ellis Boyd, Glenn “Smoothie” Earle, Ron Cowling, Ruth Corder, Billy Bayliss, Andre Robertson, Billy Permenter, David Montagne, Earl Collier, Dewey Scott, Robert Tywater, Louise Savoy, Darrel Latiolais, John Cash Smith, Mary Beth Benoit, Jimmy Verrett, Angelique Catt, Russell Cronin, Al Granger, Kris Cherry, Richard Turkel, Rodney Townsend, Jr., Mark Williams.
     David Dunn, Cecil Byers, Bo Brannick, Jimmy Owens, Margaret Broussard, Ollie Halten, Waymon Sibley, Rufus Flurry, Aaron Burke, Kris Olsen, Wayne Sparrow, David Hoelzer, James Bloodworth, Ron Roberts, Mike Hoke, Mike Hebert, Tim Hughes, Phillip Madar, Myrt Myers, Lou Garriga, Becky Grant, J.W. “Kid” Henry, Vicki Landry, Gene Steele, Ken Reeves, Jimmy Ray Burris, Brenda Morgan, Robert Mortimer, Mark Meadows, Jody Gray, Ruby Collins, Chris Hyde, Clifford Bray, Darline Zavada, Todd Marburgh, Dawn Collins, Stacy Caillavet, John Broussard, Greg Choate,  Dave Walsh, Williard Lanier, Calvin Collins, Greg Smith, Jerome Wilkerson, Joyce Prescott, Keith Hogan, David Piland, Lana Stogner, Kevin Philen, Vernon Davis, David Hollier, John Lister, Anthony Padilla, Erin Godina, Greg Turbeville, Gail Griffith, Danny Blacksher, Terry Myers, Nancy Finchum,  Curt Leger, George Nevarez, Patrick Toomey, Brad Gilmore, Larry Fisher.
     Gary Pollock, Sandy Walker, Anita Vidrine, Bud Martin, Natalie Simon, Jerry Meads, Gary Mainero, Steve Taylor, Richard Scott, Lisa Dies, Darrow Judge, Mark Netherly, Barbara Hayes, Derrick Jones, Dale Peddy, Todd Hoffpauir, Terry Steubing, Donna Evans, Teresa Schreck, David Davis, Shirley Walker, Larry Woods, Steve Champion, Rex Ansley, Connie Burnitt, Greg Willis, Pat Anglin, George Baker, Henry Seals, Dan Mohon, Steve Issacs, James Blair, Troy Burton, Homer Stockton, Nita Duffee, Vic Arceneaux, Rick Keszeg, Don Burgess, Tommy Carroll, Mary Louise McKee, Barbara Bergeron, Brenda Campbell, Paula Legate, Connie Lemaire, Debbie Perry, Scott Swearingen, Camilla Richard, Phyllis McCall, Brandon Prouse, Steve Griffith, Carolyn Schramm, Jessie West, C.A. Keasler,  Betty Merchant, Ronnie Moody, John Young, Kay Morris, Jim Dwight, George Mortimer, Larry Willette,  Leon King, Hughie Allen, Gail Griffith, John Rowland, Leon Evans, Preston Fuller, Karl Eason, Jim Mouton, Kerry Franks, Dean Granger, Peggy O’Leary, Brad Gilmore, Bret Johns, J.D. Willis, B.J. Morgan, Wayne Iles.
     Bob Campbell, Ralf Mims, Louis Manuel, Richard Roddy, Sandy Turner, Ralph Barrientos, Shea Simon, Chris Cartwright, Sam Lucia, Jack Jones, Shirley “Fuzz” Ware, Gary Ware, Warren Claybar, Charlie Greenwell, Gary Mulhollan, J.C. Sea, John Hardin, Gene Tannehill, Anne Foster, Matt Murphy, Mike Collins, Sam Hudson, Aubrey Welch, Virgie Thomas, Charlotte Guillory, Elray Henson, Marilyn Malvo, Chad Havens, Wendy Rost, Josh Smalley, Art Mason, Mike Reed, Ray Tilley, Keith Doucet, Chad Bryant, Victor Enard, Mary Frances Hartley, Violet Branch, Roddy Richards, Hugh Granger, Toby Foreman, Gary Thibodeaux, Stephen Lee, David Winfrey.
      Doug Posey, Jimmy Givens, Rick Sand, Joe Raburn, Wallace Culps, Angie Simar, Bryant Calcote, Wayne Lowe, Connie Powell, Jack Horton, Tony Perry, Gene Dixson,  Joy Haney, Bruce Savoy, Becky Rhoden, Dean Priddy, Randy Vayon, Heath Martin, Ed Freiberg, George Sepulvado, Johnny Dorman, Ronnie Puckett, Brenda Campbell, Lori Thompson, Madge Rogers, Travis Ashworth, Marty Monogue, Dave Young, Jeremy Green, Harry Sharpless,  Ronnie Puckett, Bobbie Murphy, Jill Williams, Brandon Seaman, Jodie Pledger, Richard Terry, Marla Zoch, Quincy Procell, John Gradnigo, Judy Lowe, Sharon Kosboth, Richard Porter, Bart Williams, Joyce Drake, Jim Rawls, Bill Nicholas, Mark Berton, Ray “Mario” Dal Sasso, Jane Couvillion,  Mickey Bergeron, Cheree Benoit, Jakie Stine, Pat Clark.
     Jonathan Vandagriff, David Haney, Ron McPherson, Gene McCormick,  Delle Bates, Gerald Beach, Ray Montagne, Wayne Outlaw, Carl Thibodeaux, Mike Bernard, Paul Mott, Kermit Richard, Ray Pousson, Charlie Blalack, Dick Alexander, Jeff Dalton, Craig Corder, Pancho McGill,  Roland Wolfford, Dave Maddox, Robin Brooks, Katie Mulhollan, Shirley Almazan, Marlynne McNeese, Paul Vaughan, Vernon Myers, Billy Denham, Reggie Parker, Louis Willey, Clyde Davis, Bob Brown, Jerry Childress, Laurie Modisette, Bob Baptista, Jay Brown, David Williams, Russell Covington, Jerry Montgomery, Harold Gross, Glenda Bass, Russell Turkel, Larry Fisher, Steve Pesek, Charles Liggio, John Garrett, Brown Claybar, Larry Warner, Shelby May, Dickie Colburn, Joe Barrios, Virgis Benoit, Dwight Bickham, Miguel Castellanos, Howard Minor.
     David Claybar, J.L. Vincent, Ross Smith, Dave Pederson, Peggy Vincent, Charlotte Montgomery, Jerome Standley, Sleepy Smith, Gwen Barton, Ron Sigler, Pat Brown, James Sanders, B.K. Ware, Leonard Brown, Billy Shults, Don Covington, Jeremy Hogg, Alicia Hebert, Reanna Morris, Bill Tillman, Ronnie Rost, Gay Richardson, Jim Turpin, Kelly Alford, Alan Whipkey, Jane Dunn, Ann Lieby, John Harrell, Max Staudt, Jessie Whitehead, Sweet Charlotte Tucker, Jim Graves, Jeff Wheatley, Moe Litton, Jack White, Glenn Hill, Maurice Mueschke, Martha Oliver, John Young, Tommy Ewing, Ernie Dyer, Carroll Holt, Shane Johns, Denise Himel, Pat Fountain, Sid Caillavet, Paul Patin, Lona Vasquez.
     Dennis Duhon, Jim Miller, Calvin Parker, Jimmy Sattler, Rodney Dove, Lawrence Hunt, Eddie Faulk, June Gunstream, Cornel Thompson, Sam Kittrell, Dick Behnke, Huel Fontenot, Paul Lorimer, Ronnie Burton, Robert “Woody” Wood, Vicky Walters, Leroy Breedlove, Mike White, Frank Skeeler, David Payne, John Hersey, Dee Payne, Haazen Kenney, Bonnie Mingle, John Kimbrough, Wayne Peveto, Gene Alsandor, Bubba Lanning, Wayne Morris, Dale LeBlanc, Nelson Broussard, Sammy Owens, Heath Mouton, Harold Fuqua, Roger Hall, Joe Peery, Bob Hood, James Rigler, Robert Sims, Joe Sanders, Bill Modisette, Mark Oldham, Mackey Clasby, Vernon Collier, Michael Arnaud, Jay Ayers, Jeanette Cleaver, Ray Burch, Gerhard Hommel, Walter Landisch.
     Jimmy Sims, Joe Ware, Roy Dunn, Phyllis Ryan, Eric Hinton, Debbie Fusilier, Penny Leleux, Les Patin, Debbie Buckalew, Ricky Trahan, Melinda Gipson, Jet Toohey, James Stringer, Alan Sanders, John Cooper, Glenn Toohey, Sam Lucia, Betty Derrick, Lon Craft, Margaret Peeples, Mike Abbott, Charles Gant, Oliver Seastrunk, Carl Himel, Earl Geis, Mike  Leonard, Van Vandervoort, David Kosboth, Jack Burney, Brandon Landry, Randy Crouch, Ray Rogers, Gary Stelly, Pat Johnson, Andy Allen, Keith Staudt, Louis McIntire, Brandon Fisher, Fred Zoch, Troy Burke, Bubba Brown, Johnny Trahan, David Clary, Joey Campbell, Robert Query, Gary Thibodeaux, Tim Bonnin, Jay James, John Griffith, Howard Nelson, Randy Jarrell, Jimmy Jones, Joe Payne, Donald Moss, Betty Melton, Doug Nelms, Cecil Sylvester, Roy Knolley, Wade Smith, Shea Brown, Sam Ambers, John Raughton, Pat Leverne, James Scott, Ann Harner, Jenny Taylor, David Trahan, Donnie Shockley, Jr., John Crawford, Jim Gordon, Jim Colley, Dennis Doggett, Sue Rathburn, Keith Lyons, Wayne Franklin, Evelyn Brandon, Mandy Rogers, Terry Landry, Billie Rogers, Albert Gore, Betsy Phillips, Trent Cooper, Steve Toal, James Ray, Mike Hughes, Mark Magnuson, Ed Rasmussen, Gary Mulhollan, Miles Hall, Bobby Tanner, Jason Gipson, Jade Saucier, Georgia Corder, Ron Logan, Ken Manuel, Don Harmon, Sanford Lummus, Hunter Sheridan, Lewis Sims, Tommy Carroll, Van Wade.
     And a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS to my e-mail readers Dick and Gail Kazmar, Bobbie, Dick and Joe Wechter, Don and Linda Bivens, Karen and Brian Smith, Earl Thomas, Brock and Glenna Bult, R.C. Slocum, Paul Groncki, Jim Rodda, Bobbie Earle, Wayne and Kaye Morris, Tony Ottati and for anyone I may have missed, especially you, my loyal readers who have been with Kaz’s Korner since its inception Sept. 12, 1966.