Santa Surrenders List For Cup Of Hot Chocolate

I found out the other day that going Christmas shopping with a bunch of females isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. There’s more lolly-gagging and visiting than there is buying.

I took a detour at the mall and opted to watch a long line of little boys and girls tell the department store Santa what they wanted for Christmas. Some were wide-eyed and eager while several had to be coaxed by a parent to climb onto Santa’s knee and tell him what to bring on Saturday.

Suddenly, Santa stood up and pointed in my direction and said, “I know who you are and what you would like me to give you.”

Stunned, I looked around to make sure he really was talking to me. “What are you talking about?” I inquired.

“You know that list you try to con me out of at this time each year,” he shot back. “Well it’s all yours if you bring me a big cup of hot chocolate from that place over there,” he continued and pointed toward the mall refreshment stand.

So I hurriedly started toward the stand hoping the old gent wouldn’t change his mind. I returned to the line of kids that was growing longer by the minute and waited for him to finish with this cute little red-headed girl.

“A deal is a deal,” he said with a chuckle. “Thank you for helping out a thirsty old man and I believe this is what you want,” he added with another deep-bellied laugh and handed over his Christmas list. And to our surprise, this is what was on that list:

DALLAS COWBOYS’ OWNER JERRY JONES—A huge Christmas stocking to stuff in his mouth whenever he gets the urge to brag about how good he thinks the Cowboys will be next season.

FORMER TEXAS TECH HEAD FOOTBALL COACH MIKE LEACH—The Pipe Dream Award if he really thinks a major university will hire him as its head football coach when he still has a lawsuit pending against his last school, not to mention the one against ESPN.

SUNSET GROVE GOLFER RICHARD DUFFEE—A medal for being one of the most improved golfers since this time last year.

NEW ORLEANS SAINTS’ QUARTERBACK DREW BREES—The

Associated Press’ 2010 Male Athlete of the Year Award for joining Indianapolis quarterback Peyton Manning as the only NFL quarterbacks to throw for 4,000 yards in five straight seasons.

WEST ORANGE-STARK HEAD FOOTBALL COACH DAN HOOKS—Another load of sand for his career hourglass.

INDIANAPOLIS COLTS—What a difference a year makes. Last year at this time the Colts’ front office elected to rest the regulars and forfeit their chance for an undefeated season. This year the team is in a survival mode whereas if they lose, they’re probably out of the NFL playoff picture.

UNDERPRIVILEDGED CHILDREN IN HOUSTON—Benefactors of the many bone-headed mistakes made by the Houston Texans this season that resulted in fines. The money from the fines was used to buy 230 bicycles for disadvantaged children in the Houston area.

SUNSET GROVE GOLFER JIM RODDA—A prescription for some pills that will eliminate the pain in his knee whenever he wants to play golf.

COLDSPRING TROJANS—Congratulations to Head Coach Bryan Barbay, who had stints as an assistant coach at both Orangefield and Little Cypress-Mauriceville, for playing in the Class 3A state championship game last weekend. Although Coldspring lost 47-22 to Carthage, which won the state title for the third straight year, Barbay has a bright future as his quarterback Alfred Scott is just a sophomore.

WASHINGTON REDSKINS’ QUARTERBACK DONOVAN McNABB—Proof-positive that pro football is really more of a business than a sport when he received a fat contract extension halfway through the season and then was told by Head Coach Mike Shanahan that he wasn’t strong enough to run the two-minute offense. Now on Sunday he was benched in favor of back-up Rex Grossman, who almost beat the Cowboys 33-30. Don’t be surprised if McNabb is either waived or traded after the season.

TEXAS LONGHORN FOOTBALL FANS—An answer to the often-asked question “What Happened To the Texas Football Program Last Fall?” More than half-dozen 2009 Longhorns are now playing regularly in the NFL. There weren’t any NFL-caliber players sitting on the bench waiting for them to leave. Consequently the 2010 Longhorns’ team was much weaker and it certainly showed.

FORMER NEW YORK JETS’ CONDITIONING COACH SAL ALOSI—A statue of a deaf donkey (dumb a--) to signify his tripping episode of Miami’s Nolan Carroll two weeks ago.

NFL—A microscope so the league can continue to scrutinize the effects of concussions and the growing number of players missing games because of them.

WEST ORANGE-STARK TRACK COACH TOBY FOREMAN AND HIS 2011 MUSTANG TEAM—A Three-Peat state championship this spring.

SUNSET GROVE GOLFER CRAIG COUVILLION—The Eagle Scout Award because he’s always scouting for ways to make an eagle on each round of golf he plays. He was successful two times earlier this month.

SUNSET GROVE GOLFER BOB HOOD—The One-Upmanship Citation for getting an eagle of his own last week on the Par-4, No. 2 hole. He drove his tee shot within 40 yards of the green and chipped it in from there for an eagle-2.

HOUSTON TEXANS’ HEAD COACH GARY KUBIAK—The Kiss of Death Award after team owner Bob McNair gave him a “vote of confidence” last weekend. You saw what happened to Wade Phillips after receiving his vote of confidence from owner Jerry Jones.

UNIVERSITY OF CONNECTICUT HUSKIES BASKETBALL TEAM—The Equal Rights Award for winning their 88th straight game to equal the record set by the UCLA men’s team from 1971-74. The Huskies can surpass their record Tuesday when they played No. 15 Florida State.

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS’ ROOKIE SAFETY EARL THOMAS—A possible NFL playoff appearance for the Orange native despite his team having a mediocre 6-8 record, but being tied for first place with the St. Louis Rams in the NFC South Division.

SUNSET GROVE GOLFER KENNY RUANE—A huge trophy for winning the marathon race in his age group last fall in Houston that qualified him to represent the State of Texas in the upcoming U.S. National race this summer.

PHILADELPHIA EAGLES—An Armani Trophy for their magnificent comeback by scoring 28 points against the New York Giants in the last 7:28 at the Meadowlands Sunday and winning 38-31 to seize first place from the Giants in the NFC East.

AND A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS TO Mike Lemons, Archie McClelland, Mark Dunn, Jeff Thomas, Johnny Montagne, Les Jones, Ronnie Hutchison, Gene Harrison, Pierre De la Fosse, Chris Trout, Macy Dubose, Gwen Whitehead, Troy Manuel, Missy Pillsbury, John Prather, Brad Prejean, John Morris, Larry Moerbe, Judy Arnaud, Andy Conner, Tom Toal, Steve Betz, Harrison Vickers, Jerry Windham, Roy Woods, Rodney Barrett, Gail Beckett, Larry Ancelot, Bobby Nelson, Carl Sanders, Matt Purgahn, Joe Hawthorn, David Thompson, James Denmon, Mike King, Durwood Bennett, Bob Cockerill, Chris Allen, Matt Morgan, Dixie Trahan, Doug Patterson, Mike Shuff, Jim King, Claude Wimberly, Dale Thompson, Alex Morrow, John Cochran, David Benoit, Bart Corder, Roy Peterson, Jimmy Givens, Jimmy Sichko, Ken Ruane, Ron Hopperton, Joe Murphy, Walter Cox, David Ess, John Dubose, Lacy Hale, Mark Williams, Gary Cook, Bobby Eddings, Tommy Gunn, Mac Guillory, Buddy Hahn, Glynn Aldredge, Lee Clark, Jim Rodda, Kerry Lamb, Brian Hudson, Stephen Patterson, Mike Poutra.

Joe Ely, Trez Sichko, Allen Beauchamp, John Patterson, Wanda Peveto, Larry Duhon, David Sand, Milton Newton, Mike Parish, Robert Baca, Jim Brown, Mark Hebert, John Toomey, Beth Baas, Stacy Hoffpauir, Tina Lawrence, Richard Duffee, Tammy Torrez, Derry Dunn, Mike Shahan, Wes Duvall, James Welch, James Vidrine, Bob Hollier, Ken St. John, David Bridges, Jim Matthews, Tommy Reed, Sandra Hall, Ruth Crawley, Raquel Goodboddie, Jajemi Plut, V.L. Grimes, David Loden, Brian Waguespack, Manuel Godina, Joseph Droddy, Wayne Baker, James Thurman, Ray Benoit, Bill Belcher, Don Olivier, Jerry Ling, Brenda Buxton, Regina Edwards, Frank Hatton, Willow Simpson, Kathy Gunn, LaQueta McClelland, Bill Dunn, Darby Byrd, Cochise Shockley, Wade Gillet, Jerry McDonald, Jerry Pennington, Chrisleigh Dal Sasso, Cathy Day.

Lindsey Nelson, Jim Sharon Bearden, Dan Perrine, Billy Burrow, Dan Cochran, Ken Bridgers, George Crawford, Michelle Broussard, Jim Simon, Jack McClelland, Scottie Wilson, Willie Bednar, James Lopez, Dennis Powell, Bobby Duhon, Carlos Vacek, Roy Locks, George Toal, Mike Lucia, Jim Dunaway, Jack Tindel, Ray Pousson, Jim Ehlert, Bryce Conner, Mike Mazzola, Faye Parish, Gilbert Myers, Johnny Dugas, Kathy Polansky, Yankee Mortimer, Pat Murphy, Leo Simpson, Mike McKown, Clint Hathaway, Jerry Decker, Mike Holbrook, Lee Roy Boehme, Jr., Jerry Ann Trouard, Jimmy Boyd, Donnie Mires, Bobby Swan, Larry Hammett, Tom Day, Bryan McKinley, Junior Trahan, Donny Ratcliff, Joe Marks, Don Lormand, Robert Dunn, Bernie Birk, Robert Roesler, Wayne Iles, Raymond Guilbeaux, Johnny Dugas, Jim Malcolm.

Travis Clark, Martha Rogers, Robert Burris, Jerry Caillier, Ricky Parker, John Scofield, Carol Perry, Kenny Lalonde, David Cardner, Mike Catt, Pete Runnels, Russell Bottley, James Luna, Ray Jones, Preston Prince, David Teague, Wayland Payne, Carl Floyd, Skip Moore, Pete Sterling, Danny Aaron, Dixie Trahan, Brian Murphy, Montie Moran, Doug Rogers, Rick Keszeg, Cary Bresie, Pat Key, Rodney Townsend, Jerry Howeth, Pat Monogue, Phillip Brown, Homer Stuntz, Andrew Hayes, Linda Moore, Glen Oliver, Bob Byerly, Jerry Hughes, Bart Williams, Brooks Hill, Janet Newton, Benis Lee, Jim Keith, Lynn Smith, Ebb Moore, Steve Pomeroy, Jerrod Bland, Mac Rogers, Frank Finchum, Charles Broussard, Sharon Bearden, Bob Hoepner, Joe Doucet, J.B. Arrington, Bill Ellison, Danna Cruse, Harold Tiller, Dennis Lee, Jerry Ann Trouard.

Dennis Bishop, Gus Beuershausen, Leon Delome, Grant Gipson, Jeep Colburn, Jerry Nichols, Kevin Hebert, Brian Mingle, Oscar Smith, Joe Parkhurst, Pete Gresham, Charlie Miller, Joe Alford, Chris Gunn, Ed Dyer, Bill Jackson, Bill Bromley, Ace Amodeo, Jim Pruter, Mike Bernard, Ken Wernig, Roland Gregorie, Todd McLane, John Tate, Brad Gilmore, Hal LaPray, Bob Campbell, Roderick Robertson, Buddy Hahn, Mark Foreman, Manuel Solis, Earl Parker, Neil Watts, John Martinez, Terry Childers, Joan Quartermont, Jeff Mathews, Tiffany Rochelle, Dempsie Jaynes, Kyle Walker, Randy Brown, Clay Dugas, Ellis Boyd, Glenn “Smoothie” Earle, Ron Cowling, Richard Corder, Billy Bayliss, Andre Robertson, Billy Permenter, David Montagne, Earl Collier, Dewey Scott, Robert Tywater, Louise Savoy, Darrel Latiolais, John Cash Smith, Mary Beth Benoit, Jimmy Verrett, Russell Cronin, Al Granger, Richard Turkel, Rodney Townsend, Jr., Jay Miller, Mark Williams.

David Dunn, Cecil Byers, Bo Brannick, Jimmy Owens, Margaret Broussard, Ollie Halten, Waymon Sibley, Rufus Flurry, Aaron Burke, Kris Olsen, Wayne Sparrow, David Hoelzer, James Bloodworth, Ron Roberts, Mike Hoke, Mike Hebert, Tim Hughes, Phillip Madar, Myrt Myers, Lou Garriga, Becky Grant, J.W. “Kid” Henry, Vicki Landry, Gene Steele, Ken Reeves, Jimmy Ray Burris, Brenda Morgan, Robert Mortimer, Mark Meadows, Jody Gray, Mark Williams, Chris Hyde, Clifford Bray, Darline Zavada, Todd Marburgh, Dawn Collins, Stacy Caillavet, John Broussard, Greg Choate, Dave Walsh, Williard Lanier, Calvin Collins, Greg Smith, Jerome Wilkerson, Joyce Prescott, Keith Hogan, David Piland, Bryce Conner, Lana Stogner, Kevin Philen, Vernon Davis, David Hollier, John Lister, Anthony Padilla, Erin Godina, Greg Turbeville, Danny Blacksher, Terry Myers, Mel Hyatt, Curt Leger, George Nevarez, Patrick Toomey, Brad Gilmore, Larry Fisher.

Gary Pollock, Sandy Walker, Anita Vidrine, Bud Martin, Natalie Simon, Jerry Meads, Gary Mainero, Steve Taylor, Richard Scott, Lisa Dies, Darrow Judge, Mark Netherly, Barbara Hayes, Derrick Jones, Dale Peddy, Todd Hoffpauir, Terry Steubing, Donna Evans, Teresa Schreck, David Davis, Shirley Walker, Larry Woods, Steve Champion, Rex Ansley, Connie Burnitt, Greg Willis, Pat Anglin, George Baker, Henry Seals, Dan Mohon, Steve Issacs, James Blair, Troy Burton, Homer Stockton, Vic Arceneaux, Rick Keszeg, Don Burgess, Tommy Carroll, Mary Louise McKee, Barbara Bergeron, Paula Legate, Connie Lemaire, Debbie Perry, Scott Swearingen, Camilla Richard, Phyllis McCall, Brandon Prouse, Steve Griffith, Carolyn Schramm, Jessie West, C.A. Keasler, Betty Merchant, Ronnie Moody, John Young, Kay Morris, Jim Dwight, George Mortimer, Larry Willette, Leon King, Hughie Allen, John Rowland, Leon Evans, Preston Fuller, Karl Eason, Jim Mouton, Dean Granger, Brad Gilmore, Bret Johns, B.J. Morgan, Teddy Miller, Wayne Iles.

Bob Campbell, Ralf Mims, Louis Manuel, Richard Roddy, Sandy Turner, Ralph Barrientos, Shea Simon, Chris Cartwright, Sam Lucia, Jack Jones, Shirley “Fuzz” Ware, Gary Ware, Warren Claybar, Charlie Greenwell, Gary Mulhollan, J.C. Sea, John Hardin, Gene Tannehill, Anne Foster, Matt Murphy, Mike Collins, Sam Hudson, Aubrey Welch, Virgie Thomas, Charlotte Guillory, Elray Henson, Marilyn Malvo, Chad Havens, Wendy Rost, Josh Smalley, Art Mason, Mike Reed, Ray Tilley, Keith Doucet, Chad Bryant, Ronald Enard, Hugh Granger, Nelson Derrick, Sandy Cooper, Toby Foreman, Gary Thibodeaux, Stephen Lee, Darby Byrd, Charles Arsenault, David Winfrey.

Doug Posey, Jimmy Givens, Rick Sand, Joe Raburn, Wallace Culps, Angie Simar, Bryant Calcote, Wayne Lowe, Connie Powell, Jack Horton, Tony Perry, Mark McCall, Joy Haney, Bruce Savoy, Becky Rhoden, Dean Priddy, Randy Vayon, Heath Martin, Ed Freiberg, Torry Shroff, George Sepulvado, Johnny Dorman, Ronnie Puckett, Brenda Campbell, Lori Thompson, Madge Rogers, Travis Ashworth, Marty Monogue, Dave Young, Jeremy Green, Harry Sharpless, Ronnie Puckett, Bobbie Murphy, Jill Williams, Brandon Seaman, Richard Terry, Marla Zoch, Quincy Procell, John Gradnigo, Judy Lowe, Richard Porter, Bart Williams, Joyce Drake, Jim Rawls, Bill Nicholas, Mark Berton, Ray Dal Sasso, Jane Couvillion, Mickey Bergeron, Pat Clark, Mary Guillory.

Jonathan Vandagriff, David Haney, Ron McPherson, Gene McCormick, Andre Robertson, Delle Bates, Gerald Beach, Ray Montagne, Wayne Outlaw, Jim Dawes, Carl Thibodeaux, Mike Bernard, Paul Mott, Kermit Richard, Ray Pousson, Charles Blalack, Dick Alexander, Jeff Dalton, Craig Corder, Pancho McGill, Roland Wolfford, Dave Maddox, Robin Brooks, Shirley Almazan, Buddy Withrow, Paul Vaughan, Vernon Myers, Billy Denham, Reggie Parker, Louis Willey, Clyde Davis, Bob Brown, Jerry Childress, Laurie Modisette, Bob Baptista, Stewart Olive, Jay Brown, David Williams, Russell Covington, Jerry Montgomery, Judith Perkins, Harold Gross, Russell Turkel, Larry Fisher, Steve Pesek, Charles Liggio, John Garrett, Brown Claybar, Larry Warner, Shelby May, Dickie Colburn, Joe Barrios, Virgis Benoit, Dwight Bickham, Howard Minor.

David Claybar, J.L. Vincent, Ron Theriot, Ross Smith, Dave Pederson, Peggy Vincent, Max Pachar, George Millsap, Jerome Standley, Sleepy Smith, Gwen Barton, Ron Sigler, Pat Brown, James Sanders, B.K. Ware, Leonard Brown, Billy Shults, Don Covington, Jeremy Hogg, Alicia Hebert, Reanna Morris, Bill Tillman, Ronnie Rost, Gay Richardson, Jim Turpin, Kelly Alford, Alan Whipkey, Jane Dunn, Ann Lieby, John Harrell, Joe Luna, Max Staudt, Jessie Whitehead, Sweet Charlotte Tucker, Jim Graves, Jeff Wheatley, Moe Litton, Jack White, Glenn Hill, Maurice Mueschke, Billy Paul Withrow, Tommy Ewing, Ernie Dyer, Carroll Holt, Shane Johns, John Broussard, Denise Himel, Pat Fountain, Sid Caillavet, Paul Patin, Lona Vasquez.

Dennis Duhon, Jim Miller, Calvin Parker, Jimmy Sattler, Rodney Dove, Lawrence Hunt, Eddie Faulk, June Gunstream, Cornel Thompson, Sam Kittrell, Dick Behnke, Huel Fontenot, Paul Lorimer, Ronnie Burton, Mike Lovett, Robert “Woody” Wood, Vicky Walters, Leroy Breedlove, Mike White, Frank Skeeler, David Payne, Dick Graves, J. D. Willis, Haazen Kenney, Bonnie Mingle, John Kimbrough, Wayne Peveto, Gene Alsandor, Bubba Lanning, Wayne Morris, Dale LeBlanc, Nelson Broussard, Sammy Owens, Heath Mouton, Harold Fuqua, Roger Hall, Joe Peery, Bob Hood, James Rigler, Robert Sims, Dexter Bassinger, Joe Sanders, Bill Modisette, Mark Oldham, Mackey Clasby, Vernon Collier, Michael Arnaud, Jay Ayers, Jeanette Cleaver, Ray Burch, Gerhard Hommel, David Payne, Walter Landisch.

Jimmy Sims, Joe Ware, Roy Dunn, Eric Hinton, Debbie Fusilier, Penny Leleux, Les Patin, Debbie Buckalew, Rod Fisette, Ricky Trahan, Melinda Gipson, Jet Toohey, James Stringer, Alan Sanders, John Cooper, Glenn Toohey, Sam Lucia, Betty Derrick, Lon Craft, Margaret Peeples, John DiBatiste, Mike Abbott, Charles Gant, Oliver Seastrunk, Dave Field, Carl Himel, Earl Geis, Mike Leonard, Van Vandervoort, Jack Burney, Brandon Landry, Randy Crouch, Ray Rogers, Gary Stelly, Pat Johnson, Andy Allen, Ray Conner, Bob Shinn, Keith Staudt, Louis McIntire, Fred Zoch, Troy Burke, Bubba Brown, Johnny Trahan, David Clary, Joey Campbell, Robert Query, Gary Thibodeaux, Steve Mazzola, Tim Bonnin, Jay James, DeWitt Gipson, John Griffith, Howard Nelson, Randy Jarrell, Jimmy Jones, Joe Payne, Donald Moss, Tommy Melton, Doug Nelms, Cecil Sylvester, Roy Knolley, Hutcherson Hill, Annabelle Stringer, Wade Smith, Shea Brown, Sam Ambers, John Raughton, Pat Leverne, James Scott, Ann Harner, Sam Daggett, Jenny Taylor, David Trahan, Donnie Shockley, Jr., Jack Jones, John Crawford, Jim Gordon, Jim Colley, Dennis Doggett, Sue Rathburn, Keith Lyons, Wayne Franklin, Mandy Rogers, Terry Landry, Albert Gore, Betsy Phillips, Trent Cooper, Steve Toal, James Ray, Mike Hughes, Mark Magnuson, Gary Mulhollan, Miles Hall, Bobby Tanner, Jason Gipson, Jade Saucier, Georgia Corder, Ron Logan, Jimmy Hooker, Ken Manuel, Don Harmon, Sanford Lummus, Mary Frances Hartley, Hunter Sheridan, Lewis Sims, Tommy Carroll, Van Wade.

And a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS to my e-mail readers Dick and Gail Kazmar, Bobbie and Dick Wechter, Don and Linda Bivens, Karen and Brian Smith, Robert and Kate Butcher, Brock and Glenna Bult, Paul Groncki, Bobbie Earle, Wayne and Kaye Morris, Tony Ottati and for anyone I may have missed, especially you, my loyal readers who have been with Kaz’s Korner since its inception Sept. 12, 1966.